I am

 I got a call yesterday from one of my old students who was in a mess to which she didn't  realize  that she had created on her repetitive cycle of abandoment.
You see many of  us come from abandonedment, it is such a horrible treacherous feeling, I would describe the feeling as empty, let me explain.

When you have no parents to provide a foundation for  values,love,money,virtues, and beliefs you get pretty lost while grasping for someone to teach and love you.
You see when you are born, you are pure, you have a blank page, the first seven years of your life the memories are embedded in your sub-conscious.

 If in those years are filled with say, molestation,abuse,yelling,favoritism with another sibling,fights about money, think about  what's embedded in your broken  self  conscience, sadly you don't become aware for many years, if ever.

Many behaviours include looking for love in all the wrong places, I know good song right? You meet people and on the first date you most likely overwhelmed him/her, by using the words, need,kids,love,not close to family, and little do you know that you are creating insane maddness. You have just created fuck  friend #who knows. And even tho u sense this on some level you still go to his vehicle, the hotel room that he/she had reserved, your place,his/her place. You do not know that you can say no. You engage in  the sexual act, only because  for a moment you may have someone spoon with you and you feel safe.

If you belive your narrative thoughts due to your past it's brutal the Zen say that you are already dead. Your I is I am worthless. With this belief  comes  self sabbatoging behaviors. There is nothing to attain, you are numb inside.There were no healthy road maps for you to build your great, authentic self. Just toxicity that is built and manifested on an ongoing basis.
I told my student that she is worthy, she asked me what I mean, (not gonna lie this saddened me but as a therapist  I did not share this as this was not about me it was about her.) She then told me that she had to help her abusive alcoholic mom. I asked her why?

She asked me what I meant. I said why do you feel obligated to her, do you think that helping her is connected to the evilness that she done to you and the toxicity is a comfortable place for you? She took a breathe and asked am I miss?.To which  I replied, Yes, very much so honey.
I let her know what a beautiful day that you have realized this at 27. You will  be the conducter  of your Victory Change, it takes discipline  and repetition  are you ready?
I asked again, I am worthy, I am And we started there,